I woke up sad today. Holding my tummy and wishing so badly that there was still a baby inside of me. Yesterday was the second time I had to stare at a blank ultrasound screen. And let me tell you it was anything but happy and fun-the way a normal ultrasound should be. We were due 11/11/11 too good to be true, right? 7 1/2 must be our UNlucky number. That's how far along we were last time, too. My tummy, my back, my hips, and my legs have been aching. But mostly my heart. It doesn't matter how long a baby is in your tummy for because you love them the instant you know they are there. You wonder if you can love them like your other baby (if you are lucky enough to have one) you wonder what he or she will look like and if he or she will be a he or a she. You wonder what kind of personality they will have and what you will name them and a zillion other things. And sometimes, if you've had a miscarriage before, you wonder how long you will get to keep them.
Because Kate is now sandwiched between two miscarriages I realize now more then ever what a miracle she truly is. She is my joy and I feel blessed beyond measure that we got to keep her. She is the reason I am alive, to bring that sweet little life into the world. And hopefully, at least 3 others just like her. Someday.
On Sunday, the day we were for sure that we had lost our baby, Tim took Kate for a walk and I sat at home and read and cried. I was reading one of my friend Natalie's favorite websites and found THIS article. I really liked the 8th paragraph (it's not letting me paste it on my blog for some reason) but you really should read the whole thing. I also really liked THIS article. I love how she describes our loved ones prayers for us as "celestial meteor showers of love and hope" I want to thank you for your prayers for us. I know they reach Heaven and I know you are saying them because I have felt them.
Here is a little smile to end on because every post needs a picture. Lately Kate covers her mouth when she laughs (and occasionally when she cries) and it is THE cutest thing EVER!
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11 comments:
Oh my goodness Melissa! I am so sorry. I can't imagine how you feel but I want you to know that you're in my prayers. I wish that we lived closer so I could offer you a shoulder to cry on. You are an amazing person and I know that Kate and your other two spirit babies are so lucky to have you for a mom!
on a side note: that picture of Kate is THE CUTEST! What a little doll :)
I am so sorry! That is one of the hardest things in the world to go through and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Kate really is super cute!
Oh, M'liss! I'm so sorry. My heart just aches for you. And do you want to know something weird? When I read that post on Segullah about miscarriage after it was posted, I immediately thought about you. I was thinking in context of your first baby, but I still had the impression it might be something you should read. I'm glad you found it because I obviously didn't follow through with the prompting.
Love ya, M'liss. Like Andrea, I wish you lived closer! I'll keep you in my prayers.
Oh Melissa, I am so sorry to hear this news. You are in my prayers.
Melissa and Tim!
I am so sorry that you had to go through that again! I wish I could be there to bring you lots of ice-cream, and cry with you. Please know that you both are in our prayers.
Love you lots!
I am so sorry to hear about your loss Tim and Melissa. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
I'm so sorry Melissa. My thoughts are with you guys.
OH Meliss I am so so sorry to hear this!! I cant even begin to imagine the pain you are going through.But know this Heavely Father will bless, support and love you. Stay strong babe. I love this pictures of Kate.
Melissa I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriages, and can't wait for those two babies to reunite with your family!! What an amazing reunion that will be!! You are amazing!
I am so sorry Liss. I don't know what you're going through, but you will be in my prayers and thoughts. Please let me know if I can do anything for you. Love and miss you!
Jeremy and I want you, Tim, and Kate to know that we love you dearly and hate that you have to go through this. We know what it's like to be on the verge of losing a child, but have never felt the ache you feel now. We know that families are forever and one day you'll get to see that precious spirit. I like to think that these little babies that go too soon are just so valiant that all they have to do to return to Heavenly Father is receive a body. You gave that spirit a body and now Christ is holding him or her in His arms until you can. We pray that you will get the family you want and that you will feel peace.
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